I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
