The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
