Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
