And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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