I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
