We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
