3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
