just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
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I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
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We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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