I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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