Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
