$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
