they need to just BURY HIM!
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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