you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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