somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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