I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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