Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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