THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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