I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
