maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Randomize
