I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My vagina is officially offended.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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