Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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