I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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