I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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