I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
