Texts From Last Night

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  (813): View more from Florida

  you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?

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  (813): you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you? http://tfl.nu/35zi
  Replies (12) Good night (2759) Bad night (894) Order T-Shirt
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  (619): View more from California

  guys are not supposed to queef...right?

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  (619): guys are not supposed to queef...right? http://tfl.nu/p86m
  Replies (96) Good night (621) Bad night (6919) Order T-Shirt
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.

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  (214): Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada. http://tfl.nu/cunl
  Replies (200) Good night (7937) Bad night (2481)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.

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  (614): just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good. http://tfl.nu/28dw
  Replies (16) Good night (4981) Bad night (1144) Order T-Shirt
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  (914): View more from New York

  I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.

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  (914): I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned. http://tfl.nu/hdoa
  Replies (10) Good night (1170) Bad night (4709) Order T-Shirt
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money

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  (317): Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina. (614): Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money http://tfl.nu/rx4e
  Replies (27) Good night (6681) Bad night (1298)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended

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  (317): She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended http://tfl.nu/jhzt
  Replies (14) Good night (954) Bad night (3102) Order T-Shirt
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"

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  (262): He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage" http://tfl.nu/fr69
  Replies (16) Good night (8719) Bad night (1034)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.

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  (918): I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics. http://tfl.nu/dut8
  Replies (15) Good night (1228) Bad night (2634) Order T-Shirt
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  (+64): View more from New Zealand

  The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.

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  (+64): The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care. http://tfl.nu/n9x9
  Replies (2) Good night (1414) Bad night (519)
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  (310): View more from California

  You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.

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  (310): You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders. http://tfl.nu/xfao
  Replies (3) Good night (1894) Bad night (482) Order T-Shirt
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."

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  (215): What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller." http://tfl.nu/x4em
  Replies (21) Good night (2789) Bad night (804) Order T-Shirt
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  (813): View more from Florida

  You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.

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  (813): You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon. http://tfl.nu/vfo5
  Replies (7) Good night (783) Bad night (1456)
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA

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  (931): I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA http://tfl.nu/dpqi
  Replies (5) Good night (299) Bad night (977) Order T-Shirt
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown

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  (+44): We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown http://tfl.nu/o3v8
  Replies (10) Good night (1927) Bad night (275) Order T-Shirt

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