I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.