Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it