Rock
Scissors
Fuck
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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