A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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