If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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