I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
