oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
