FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize