The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
