Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
