the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
