Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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