You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
