i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
