I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
