mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
