just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Randomize
