Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
