I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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