I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
