i wish there were pregnant emoticons
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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