I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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