i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
