I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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