Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
