Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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