1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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