i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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