If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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