My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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