If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
