i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
