4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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