i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
