Can i not drive my cunt home
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
sex in a hospital.. check
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
