Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
