Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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