Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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