Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
