at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
