i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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