What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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