i think my tv is drunk
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
