He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
