Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
