He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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