I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
And then my night got REAL pukey
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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