Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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