Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
