ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
