Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
