i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
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