my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
