Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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