Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
