Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
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