oh god the rape fog is back!
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
