just come out here and I will go home with you...
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
