i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
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Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
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When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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