my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
