So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
