Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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