yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
