You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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